The Other Way
by CatsbytheGreat
Summary: When one door closes, another one opens. Alternate Universe.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. I think you knew that already. **

**

* * *

**Some mistakes could never be fixed.

The Jedi were amazing. Their use of the Force enabled them to do things that many beings could not; sometimes it was called magical, and other times unnatural. The Force could do so many things.

Yet, the Force could not turn back time. The Force could not bring back the dead.

Obi-Wan Kenobi stared into the flames of a funeral pyre and was well aware of this. His Master's body was burning and there was nothing he could do about it. No way to correct any mistakes he made during the fight that allowed his Master to face the Sith alone, no way to even go back and apologize.

There had barely been time for goodbyes, and the goodbyes hadn't exactly been comforting. "Train the boy," Qui-Gon had told him, and now Obi-Wan was bound to this promise to train the boy.

The whole experience left him feeling cold.

Of course, he would train the boy as best as he could, even though he severely doubted his own abilities. He would move on, become a Knight, cut off his Padawan braid and throw himself into his task. He would try to forget.

The last image of his Master lying in his arms was unimportant. The one that stayed with Obi-Wan the most was the moment a lightsaber was thrust through Qui-Gon's chest, the look of shock on his Master's face just before he collapsed to the floor.

* * *

"Master…"

There it was, the strange new voice that was a constant presence. Outside of his head and inside as well. A small bond wavered with suppressed emotions.

"Yes, Padawan?" There was a small stutter, barely perceptible, over the word _padawan_, just like Anakin had stumbled over the word _master_. Neither seemed convinced that the other quite fit these respective titles, but both were bound to use them anyway.

Not only that, but Obi-Wan did not feel like a Master. He was still a new Knight, and as such would normally not have taken on a Padawan. Let alone a young boy who was supposed to be the Chosen One.

Certainly, not him. He could see the doubt in Anakin's eyes, could see how much the young boy wished for Qui-Gon Jinn to be there. He could, if he looked deeper, sense the blame Anakin placed on him.

It did not make Obi-Wan angry. He blamed himself, too.

* * *

"Are you okay?"

Obi-Wan forced himself to look into the eyes of Bant Eerin, his Mon Calamari friend and, recently, a newly knighted Healer. She was inspecting him closely, probing his shields, trying to find the cracks she thought existed.

_The damage is much deeper than that,_ Obi-Wan thought, keeping his gaze steady on hers. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Anakin says…" She paused, unsure.

"Anakin says what?" Obi-Wan pressed, now interested. What did his Padawan have to say this time?

"He says that you've been acting odd," Bant said. "Off, quiet."

"I am a quiet person."

"He thinks you're still sad about Qui-Gon," Bant added. "Are you sure you don't need…help?"

"Do you mean to say that I should seek a Mind Healer?" Obi-Wan asked, and by the way Bant looked away he knew that was exactly what she meant. "People don't get over death quickly, Bant. Anakin is still upset as well. We're both trying to cope as best as we can and we don't need the help of any Mind Healers to do so."

"I'm sorry," Bant said, frowning. "I just worry about you. I care about you, you know."

Obi-Wan smiled, for her benefit. "I know. This is all just…new. I'm trying to adjust."

In the back of his mind a voice countered, _There is no try._

Obi-Wan grimaced.

* * *

He'd heard it so many times before. _Suffering leads to the dark side._ Yet no one told him how to get rid of the suffering.

Obi-Wan was at a loss when it came to Anakin. He worked hard to train the boy, Qui-Gon's last words echoing in his head. He was never one to disappoint, yet he feared he would disappoint everyone terribly.

No one offered a word of guidance or a hand of help. No one knew what to do, it seemed.

Obi-Wan wondered, if no one else knew what to do, how was_ he_ supposed to accomplish his task, what with his lack of experience and further lack of a former Master?

The fear and disappointment grew, and the lingering sadness at Qui-Gon's death did little to help.

* * *

"Master, what happened?" Anakin asked, eyes wide, though not quite as much as they had been three years ago.

They had lost their innocence, too, though Obi-Wan was certain Anakin hadn't had much innocence to begin with, what with his being a slave.

"The Council and I…did not see the situation the same way." That was the case more and more, it seemed.

"They don't want to send us on any missions," Anakin said. "They don't trust me."

"That isn't true," Obi-Wan lied, knowing it was true, and knowing that Anakin knew he was lying. Still, he had to. "They have to trust you."

"No they don't," Anakin said. "They didn't even want to train me." He paused. "Kind of like you didn't want to."

_Because the boy is dangerous._ Obi-Wan silenced the thought, but it disturbed him. Not because he had ever thought it in the past, but because he still felt that way. Obi-Wan felt he was dealing with explosives when it came to Anakin. Any wrong turn in his training and terrible things could happen.

For the past three years, Obi-Wan had consistently had bad feelings.

"I'm sorry," he told Anakin. "I just…the Jedi do not often find their padawans at such an old age. That's all."

Anakin narrowed his eyes and probed their bond. Obi-Wan shielded. "Do not try to get to my thoughts, Padawan," he admonished. "They are mine alone."

Anakin looked away, his expression almost hurt, and Obi-Wan sighed. Anakin craved an intimacy with his Master that Obi-Wan could not give.

* * *

"You look tired, Master," Anakin remarked.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. He was tired. He had to work so _hard_ to make sure Anakin was trained well, and it did not seem to be working. Anakin had been reprimanded several times in the past few days for disrespecting his Master. Not only that, but he seemed to be growing overconfident and whenever Obi-Wan tried to humble him, he became hurt.

He was impossible.

Now he was reaching out through the bond. Obi-Wan shrank away, wishing that Anakin would just get out of his head. It was the last thing he needed.

"I'm not tired," he said. "I'm fine."

It was a trademark of his. Obi-Wan Kenobi was never tired, never overwhelmed, and always fine.

Anakin frowned. "Why don't you ever tell me the truth? Why can't you just say you're tired?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "I'm not."

"You're lying."

"Are you trying to start another argument you will not win, Padawan?" Obi-Wan asked. "Because I assure you, the punishment will not be light."

Anakin groaned in frustration. "Why don't you _listen_?" He turned away and muttered, "Qui-Gon was wrong to ask you to train me."

"What was that, Padawan?" Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin turned to face his Master, the Force around him screaming of defiance. "I said, Qui-Gon was wrong to ask you to train me. Because you _can't_."

Obi-Wan frowned. "What do you mean, I can't?" _And why did it take so long for someone to figure it out?_

"I mean, you have no idea how to treat me," Anakin snapped.

"I treat you as I would treat any Jedi Padawan," Obi-Wan stated.

"Which is not enough," Anakin cried, "because I'm not a normal Padawan! I wasn't raised at the Temple from birth! Qui-Gon understood that I was different. Why don't _you_?"

"Being different will not help you become a Jedi," Obi-Wan said. "Surely you realize this."

"Then I don't want to be a Jedi."

The two stared at each other, both a bit shocked. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and sighed. Anakin turned swiftly and left the room as the Force swirled in agitation.

Obi-Wan glanced around the silent room. "I promised my Master," he whispered. "But…" He sighed. "I've tried so hard and all for nothing." He laughed as the phrase _Do or do not, there is no try_ echoed through his mind. "If my trying has not succeeded, then I guess I '_did not_.'"

* * *

Anakin entered his quarters some hours later and found it empty. This did not concern him until he entered his Master's room.

Obi-Wan's possessions, few as they were, no longer occupied the room.

Anakin reached for the bond, only to find himself opened up to a terrible pain.

* * *

Obi-Wan was on a ship headed far away.

He stared blankly at the wall ahead. He had tried and failed. He could not train Anakin. He could see, already, that it would all come to nothing, that he was not what Anakin needed. It had taken Anakin saying something for him to realize.

Anakin needed a better Master, the kind that Obi-Wan could not be.

He knew what the problem was. He had been too young to take Anakin on in the first place, and the binding word of his Master made the task seem like a trap. Obi-Wan knew he hadn't been given time to properly grieve his Master, either.

Anakin's words echoed in his head and Obi-Wan sighed, as in the past few hours they had become his own.

He no longer wished to be a Jedi, not if life as a Jedi would make him miserable.

He would have to go somewhere else, start fresh. Anakin would have a better Master.

Suddenly, he felt a familiar presence in his mind. Anakin. He steeled himself for what was to come and then, using every bit of mental power he had, he snapped the bond.

The pain blinded him to everything else, and when he came to he was lying on his back, his head aching horribly.

It reminded him of Qui-Gon, of the last feeling he had gotten from his Master.

Now he had two voids in his mind where two bonds should have been.

* * *

"Left the order, your Master has," Yoda said, but Anakin had already figured this out.

"What will happen to me?" Anakin asked. "I didn't mean it when I said I don't want to be a Jedi. I do. I just…"

"Need the right guidance, you do," Yoda interrupted. "Give this to you, Obi-Wan could not. Guidance he needed, as well. Guidance should have been given." There was a tinge of regret in Yoda's voice.

"Am I going to be sent away?"

"No. My apprentice, you will become. Learn much from this, I have, and know how to train you, I now know."

Anakin gave Yoda a small smile. "I hope so."

* * *

Obi-Wan set foot on the familiar planet and took a deep breath. With the exhale, the persistent bad feeling from the Force evaporated.

Obi-Wan continued to walk. He had no idea what he was going to do or whether he would ever go back to Coruscant. Now, however, he had one goal.

He was going to find the peace that had eluded him for years.


End file.
